Our Head of Wellbeing, Nick Forsyth, reflects on how a calmer and simpler life may well be just what's needed for many of us at this time of self-isolation.
“Strange times, Archie. Strange times.”
Recently, I’ve taken to wandering around the house muttering this little phrase in a ludicrous pantomime Scottish accent. This is much to the annoyance of my wife, who herself has started muttering “Can you please stop saying that? It’s very irritating.”
Some of our older parents and teachers may recognise that this is a quote from the classic, 1980s film, Local Hero. (If you haven’t seen it now is the perfect time to do so - you’ll love it!) The film is set in a beautiful location on the west coast of Scotland and stars the Hollywood legend Burt Lancaster as a Texan oil magnate who wants to buy the fishing village and replace it with an oil refinery. The film asks questions about our values and, in particular, the importance of home, and community and how we cope with loss. In the strange times we’re currently experiencing, these themes seem acutely apt.
But that is not the reason why the film quote keeps popping into my head.
As a younger man, thirty years ago I made two tours to Antarctica. The first, working for the British Antarctic Survey, entailed two eight-month-long Antarctic winters and a total of nearly three years away from home. Once our supply ship sailed north, a group of some twelve men were left alone and isolated, cut off from the normal amenities of life and with no prospect of any outside help or assistance. During the long Antarctic winter it was very common for us to be stuck inside for weeks at a time when the weather was too bad to go outside. One diversion for us was film night every Friday and Local Hero was one of our favourites.
So now, as we begin our enforced confinement, I find myself slipping back into the life I remember from all those years ago. Much to the surprise of my wife who had predicted that I would be a nightmare, railing against the fates and the fact that I cannot sail my boat, I feel instead rather calm and sanguine. Yes, I know it’s early days but if Antarctica taught me anything it was that it is pointless to fight the things that you cannot control. Newcomers to Antarctica would often try to do this – endlessly checking the weather charts and worrying about lost opportunities and missed work. All this did, of course, was to increase the stress and anxiety levels. In contrast, for the old hands there was a simple, calm acceptance.
So for us the lesson is to accept that we have no control over the situation. Don’t waste your time and energy on being angry or thinking too far ahead. It is what it is.
In Antarctica, during the long periods of isolation, our watchwords were consideration and tolerance. Basically, an understanding of the effects of our behaviour on those around us combined with a greater willingness to put up with others’ habits and foibles, no matter how annoying or irritating.
As we begin what is likely to be a long period of isolation, we will all need to be similarly mindful of our own personal relationships and family dynamics. More than ever, self-discipline and self-control will be needed. For many of us, the first week was novel and interesting, perhaps even fun as we got to grips with new ways of working and interacting with each other. But in the weeks and months to come, that initial interest will fade, no doubt to be replaced by more mundane matters; inevitably, there will be times when tempers are stretched.
Being stuck with the same group of people for long periods of time is stressful. Individual behaviour becomes predictable, horizons shrink so that small matters assume undue importance and normal disagreements and arguments often end in quite disproportionate difficulties. In Antarctica we often saw that individuals or even the whole group would react to some event or other in ways that would be regarded as childish in a wider community where a greater perspective is possible.
Of course, technology will help to keep us connected and soften these effects but, nevertheless, we must all be prepared to step up and play our part in maintaining a calm and happy family life.
After two years in Antarctica, a colleague was asked what he was enjoying most about being back. Without hesitation he replied, “The freedom to lose my temper if I happen to feel like it!”
Ah, freedom: remember that? Freedom is a powerful and emotive word. Rarely does any good come of curtailing society’s freedom to such a drastic degree but the current situation would seem to be an exception.
Like many people, I have recently revisited another 1980s classic, Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale. The novel depicts a dystopian world where individual freedom is supressed by the state. Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting anything as terrifying as Gilead is about to befall us but as we all get used to our own loss of freedom I can’t help recalling one particular quote from the book…
“There is more than one kind of freedom,” said Aunt Lydia. “Freedom to and freedom from. In the days of anarchy, it was freedom to. Now you are being given freedom from. Don’t underrate it.”
So right now, I’m enjoying freedom from. Freedom from having to get up at 5.30 each morning, freedom from my daily commute and, perhaps most importantly, freedom from the frantic pace of working life that means that we all now have more quality time to spend with our families. In short, a calmer and simpler life. Last night my family sat down to a game of Scrabble. Aside from Christmas Day that’s unheard of so perhaps this really is an opportunity to put our screens down and connect in new and meaningful ways.
Whatever the case, in this time of great uncertainty one thing is certain: this situation, challenging though it may be, will come to an end. When it does, difficulties and upset will fade and blur. Instead, it will doubtless be the sense of achievement and the knowledge that as individuals and families - as communities - we have weathered the storm and have come through the crisis stronger that will remain in the mind.
Good luck to you all.
Nick Forsyth
Head of Wellbeing
Kingston Grammar School
March 2020
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